48 hours ago my father died, after 19 years fighting against a colon cancer that in the last two years had already won the game and it had disseminate.
Despite the pain I feel, this is not a sad story. For nothing.
Paco knew how to live with his disease and even I think that they became good friends. I always thought that the cancer gave to life and helped him reunite with himself and with his family.
When you have a sentence and manage to overcome, you simply give to life. You take advantage of every moment as if it were unique, you spend money without thinking about what will happen tomorrow, travel and enjoy the company of those who you love.
He did it. With a fortitude and knowledge overwhelming, giving us his example of dignity as a person and as a patient. Without a complaint, with the unconditional support of Carmen, my mother.
There are two things that I need to share with you, as a phisician and a son. Because they have been so important for me, that perhaps also can help you.
The first, we could speak.
We’ve talked about death with absolute naturalness during all these years and luckily, we knew Paco´s desires and what he wanted us to do at the end. Two years ago I had with him the toughest conversation of my life in which I promised him that when death would come, I would be there to ensure his comfort. You can not imagine the peace of take control of the situation: no one of the members of the family had to make own decisions and our backpack weighed a little less at this terrible time.
He didn’t want to suffer or live connected to machines. When I saw his so easy to drain left pleural effusion, intensivist myself thought twice, but the son put that common sense that many times families give us and thought: ‘For what? For one more week? This is not what he wants… “.
I take this great speaker to return you all the support that we have received, to try to help you and help us. My dear friends: think about your own death. Write your directives. Speak with your families. This will allow you to be calm and focused on accompany, without more. Listen people help.
The second, his generosity.
Paco decided to donate his body to the Faculty of Medicine of the Complutense University and we just had to call a phone number. He left all thought, and we only had to do his will. It was what he wanted. So this is the reason there are no burial, and who knows him well knows that he was a deeply religious person. He didn’t taken care despite social conventions, but we will do a mass.
What is not given, it´s lost.
For me, I’m happy in my suffer. I was able to keep my promise and this is also a great deal of luck needed: there are thousand intouchable things that could not have done it possible. I guess that his friend cancer helped us waiting to join the family and we could accompany him as he walked to the other side. A present and all a luck for us.
And I am so grateful with all those who in one way or another, known and unknown, from Spain or from thousands of kilometres away, have sent all this energy that today type these lines.
And please remember: the last sense that is lost… is the sense of humor.
Thanks and Love,
Again, my sincere condolences to you and your family. Your father sounds like he was a wonderful warm-hearted man. May his memory live on. My his example of discussing death and dying, his willingness to accept reality, his willingness to put forth his wishes will assist others- a wonderful legacy to leave.
Be comforted by the many who realize that you and others in the family are grieving, but know that you are not alone in the process. Healing and comforting thoughts are all around.